Enchanted Rock

I went to Enchanted Rock, two hours west of Austin, to see this four hundred foot boulder I keep hearing about. The hike up the steep and slippery pink granite was exhausting and unimpressive, but the view of Texas hill country was well worth it. Things get interesting at the top of the dome where the hiking is more a matter of shimmying between boulders, dropping five feet, lowering myself into lightless wet caves. Other hikers set fire to bundles of sage to light the way.

Someone told me not to touch the cacti, so duh, of course I touched a cactus. While busy pulling the thorn out of my finger I heard the rustling of a strange mohawked bird. I later identified it as the scampering roadrunner of cartoon fame. Determined not to go down the same route I came up, I chose a dangerously sloped section of wobbly boulders and crawled gracelessly down the mountain. I could hear other hikers sliding along on their butts and half the pictures I took were mid-panic attack when I debated climbing back up but realized it would be impossible.

After the rock, I drove south to wine country and the quaint town of Fredericksburg. Famous for their orchards, peaches, and a number of wineries, my only purchase was an assortment of chocolate liquers including a peach schnapp and raspberry port made by locals. Full of Sam Houston whiskey ganache, I was ready to head home but spotted a metal cow and followed a sign leading deep into cattle country.

Signs warn of lose livestock which includes the heritage longhorn cattle, as well as some woolly striped cows that I call cow-sheep. (Cow-sheep probably sound like this: Moo-aaahahah). I got out of the car to take pics of an armadillo, the first live one I've ever seen. When it hopped toward me like an armored kangaroo I screamed and backed away, before remembering it's just an armadillo, and I've never heard of a deadly 'dillo attack.

Ten miles later I reached the Benini Sculpture Ranch. It is a working ranch with miles of modern art amongst the cow plop. It's proof that the roadrunner is not the only cukoo in Texas.

Landmarks

I spent inauguration night with a friends at The Hole in the Wall bar, a whopping three stage venue. They featured a great bluegrass band, a political comedian, and the Horse Opera covering the entire Springsteen album Born in the USA. A valuable tip for Springsteen is that the title of each song is the chorus, and the chorus is 90% of the lyrics. Repeat "Born in the USA" 19 times. You have now memorized the song. And the tune will not leave your head no matter how you try. All in all, there is nothing more Obama-rama-radical than a bunch of tatooed college guys rocking out in their USA flag shirts. Their flag bandanas hanging from the back pocket. The washboard player with a stars and stripes cowboy hat. The one guy in a red-white-blue leather jacket...

I had to stop for a photo-op at the tiny Eiffel Tower at Dreyfus Antiques'. There is no explanation why this replica sits in the parking lot, protected by a laughably tiny fence. But it was on my map of Austin as a Landmark, so I had to visit. Later I passed a tiny shed, turned restaurant, marked by a mounted plastic banana that is as big as the roof. So weird that it's normal.

While Chicago weather was below zero, ours was 81 degrees Thursday. It was perfect for a trip to Zilker Park, the central public park of Austin. I paddled a kayak down Ladybird Lake, aka Lake Austin, actually a river, actually the Colorado River. Hundreds of turtles were sunning themselves on logs, ducks were diving for fish, and white geese honked at passing boats. The tributary from Zilker opens into the river, cutting between the high hills of the green belt. The only anxious moment was when a few swans came within pecking distance and I realized these birds are as big as my kayak!

I ate lunch by the park at Shady Grove. They make a peppery chicken fried steak, and serve their salad with jalapeno lime dressing that can make you forget you're eating boring lettuce. This picture is of their bathroom, which is an outdoor old-school trailer. Austin loves its converted trailers.

Headed to Speakeasy on Saturday night for a live band that played everything from Sweet Home Alabama to Sexy Back. The crowd two-stepped, they bumped and grided, they line danced, they booty shaked. It's a strange dichotomy when men in suits sit with girls in western boots and tie dye dresses. When a guy in a red jacket does the moonwalk while his friend with the long hippy hair smokes a cigar. There is no judging dumb hicks or snooty yuppies because they are all in the same group of friends, where a guy with a mullet sips a pink martini and reclines on a bed.

Cherry on Top

Those who know me best would probably subscribe me to Popular Mechanics rather than Cosmopolitan. This week I battled with my beauty inabilities when trying to apply eyeliner for a 'not-sure-if-this-is-a-date' date. The trick to first impressions is to not distract someone with your raccoon makeup, or with constant eye-twitching caused when shadow finds its way to your retina. Though I don't agree with the Cosmo-Girl advice to get a bikini wax before a date, I have been reading their makeup tips for the 'tween. in hopes of someday mastering a few beauty secrets.

Turns out it was a date. Though I didn't want to date until I made friends, it's hard to say no when a guy buys me dessert. We went to Cap. City Comedy which is the place for Austin's stand-up comedy, hosting young stars and seasoned big name pros. We saw Chinaman, the voice of several characters on the cartoon "Dragon Ball Z". I ordered a basket of my newest vice: fried pickles with ranch dressing, ate some of my date's southwest eggrolls, and had some good laughs.

What goes with pickles better than ranch? Ice cream. We headed to Amy's Ice Cream where there are tons of flavors and toppings to choose, which are blended on a warm marble slab. Though reminiscent of Cold Stone Creamery, the scoopers were rolling balls of ice cream and flipping them behind their backs or tossing back and forth. They are training already for Amy's own Trick Olympics, an annual Decathalon of the dred-locked, hippy-esque scoop staff. I sampled their specialty Mexican Vanilla, as well as the chipotle peanut butter, but finally settled on a blend called the Dirty Harry.

Austin restaurants have a uniquely rustic, vaguely hippy, blatently texan quality. My other recent treat was with my friend Susan at Hey Cupcake!, which is, no joke, a silver trailor (ala I Love Lucy) that street vends cupcakes in the SoCo neighborhood. As divey as it sounds, I love that these aren't super frou-frou sugar-frosting things you typically find. And these are endorsed by Oprah. I had the Michael Jackson, a moist chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting, shot in the center with real whip cream. Hey perfect!

Birthday Suit - this is a long one

"Your birthday suit needs a better tailor."

I rushed from the Amtrak station, showered, and took the bus to 6th street. The college kids were out in full swing. I jumped to an uncountable number of bars, sharing shots mostly with bartenders who comped me for my big day. At Dizzy Roosters they announced my birthday and strangers whooped as I jumped on the bar, grabbed a shot nestled on a high shelf, then ceremoniously signed the rafters. The bouncer asked for my number and in my buzzed state I obliged.

At the Velveeta Room, the second stage for Esther's Follies - what proud Austinites consider the best locale for improv comedy - I got a birthday comp entrance. Later I headed to Mohawks on Red River. The Mohawk was a complete change in vibe from the 6th street scene: UT shirts were traded for band tees, baseball caps became knitted beanies, jeans replaced with skinny pants, and sweatshirts were leather jackets. The band was rocking and I met up with one of my Craigslist contacts, Hans.

From there we headed east to a yuppy club. The seating was queen size beds, an uptight crowd, but it was the bartenders birthday too so he made me a few special cocktails. We headed next door to a hopping Jewish deli where I topped my night with chocolate milk, fudge blintzes, and fried pickles. It was my birthday after all.

Hans and I headed back to 6th to find a cab when the bouncer from the Rooster pulled up and offered us a ride. Hans and I weren't exactly on a date, but I was dropped off first and I can only imagine the awkward conversation between the two of them after I left.

Sunday I headed back to Esther's Follies because they were offering a free improv class. I am neither funny nor comfortable on stage, but I thought this would be a great experiment in overcoming my anxieties. I got on stage a few times in front of the 30 attendees, and I neither puked nor shook uncontrollably, both my normal responses. The teacher was IO and 2nd City alum, founder of Chicago's Annoyance Theater, Tom Booker. He called me out for my shyness and offered a few tips to remember: 1. If what you're doing has never been done before then it can't be a mistake 2. Don't be afraid to make a mistake. 3. Don't suck.

Later I went with another Craigslist contact to Ruby's BBQ, then to play pool. It was a good time, though all the question and answer stuff became a chore.

Tom Booker made another point about performance. Responding 'no' stops the flow but asking questions gets people stuck in their head. One solution is to make a statement to elicit a statement, responding each time with "Yes, and..." Next time I'm out with a new person I am going to ditch the Q&A and try the improv approach. I imagine it will go something like this:

ME: I write stories.
GUY: Yes, and I like to read stories.
ME: I like lamp.
GUY: Yes, and I too like lamp!

Make New Friends - Keep the Old

Still in the cold arms of wintry Chicago, I am diligently hanging out with friends and strengthening the connections I hold dear. Typically I think post-college adults find friends through other friends, at work, or while hanging out at bars. Though I have one old friend in Austin who I've reunited with, I work from home, and going solo to an Austin bar required more guts then I can regularly muster.

My friend Mikey suggested meeting a new person every day for a year but the question is, How? I just signed on to volunteer at the South by Southwest fest in April. I even scouted people in the "strictly platonic" ads on Craigslist and lined-up a few play dates. Though talking to random store clerks is mildly entertaining... Though feeding the guy in my back dumpster was enlightening... Though getting drinks with my maintenance guy is endearing... There's got to be a better way!

So I want to know: How do you meet new people?

Perspective

Read this in a book review: "Leaving home...may provide the necessary perspective required for a writer to actually write with an objective eye."