My new friends

The problem with new construction: it leans towards shoddy. The gaps they left in the new tile grout have allowed a tiny-red-ant infestation in the bathroom and the kitchen. My new friends are so tiny that they are impossible to kill by smashing, so I've resorted to execution by drowning or douses of dishwasher soap. Temporary solution: stuffing the grout holes with toilet paper and hair gel. At least I'm finally making use of my hair gel.

Went out with Ty yesterday, one of the guys I met while playing pool. Went to a very busy bar that hosts an 80's cover band, the Spazmatics, every Wednesday. Butera would be pleased with their performance, all 4 hours of it, but I felt the need to leave after the third encore. Got a slice from the pizza street vendor, a slice I'd compare to cheap frozen, but even bad pizza hits the spot.

Ty is my first contact with a legitimate full blood Texan whose only trip out of state was to Panama City, Florida, when he was 23. No joke, this guy has never seen a mountain, a foot of snow, or the Mason Dixon Line. He wears point-toe boots, pearl snap dress shirts with the V back-yoke that screams Western wear, and calls everyone friend, pronounced 'Fruh-ind'. He refers to many of the city-dwellers as Liberals. Like, "Y'all don't need to go to that part of the city. They're ruh-eel Librawl. Austin has all kines uh people." I have exhausted our friendship because we really have nothing in common to talk about, but now I know more about hydroponic tomato growing than the average person.

Saw Leslie finally. Leslie is an Austin celebrity who has been mentioned by every single person I've met so far. Why is he famous? Because he is a cross-dresser. Wait, why is he famous? I think he might be the only cross-dresser in Texas. Leslie is a full-bellied brutish man with a good week's worth of facial hair. Rumor has it that he wears thongs out in public. When I saw him, he was wearing a pearl snap shirt, a jean skirt, and knee high boots. Probably the ugliest man I've ever seen. If he made it to Chicago's Boys Town they'd be quick to offer him a makeover. But here in Austin he draws a crowd of young and old, people take pictures with him, they buy him beers, and the locals think you don't know the city until you know Leslie.

Coming out of the phrat house today: Two guys in fitted jeans, shirts tucked in, big shiny belt buckles, aviator sunglasses, and cowboy hats. My definition of normal needs a geographic adjustment.